there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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