All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
