rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
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The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
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I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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