thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
