So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
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How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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