Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
you had me at cake vodka
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
