I will die if light touches me.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
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We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
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I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You are a genius and a whore.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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