the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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