Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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