I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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