I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
