She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
When are your genitals available?
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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