i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
