I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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