Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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