she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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