Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
