Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It was confusing and full of hummus
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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