That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
