I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
