I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
