Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
