at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
