Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
