How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We just shotgunned beers for America
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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