I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
