It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
