there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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