she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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