If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
