I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
