i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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