I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
