What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
