You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Green mimosas i think yes
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
