we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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