The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
