Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize