I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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