I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Randomize
