everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
