I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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