3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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