R you on birth control?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.