Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning

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  (202): the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning http://tfl.nu/vrio
  Replies (6) Good night (799) Bad night (2082)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view

  (1-405): View more from Oklahoma

  that's Oklahoma for you

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  (405): I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view (1-405): that's Oklahoma for you http://tfl.nu/8v2d
  Replies (11) Good night (638) Bad night (2016)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom

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  (647): Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom http://tfl.nu/rkiv
  Replies (38) Good night (4803) Bad night (1013)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg

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  (423): my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg http://tfl.nu/cjr9
  Replies (65) Good night (18862) Bad night (1473)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.

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  (586): She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her. http://tfl.nu/fg6t
  Replies (13) Good night (6811) Bad night (1712)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.

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  (615): I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us. http://tfl.nu/3t30
  Replies (24) Good night (7752) Bad night (1153)
• Favorite

  (620): View more from Kansas

  I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs

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  (620): I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs http://tfl.nu/06cn
  Replies (32) Good night (1923) Bad night (3759)
• Favorite

  (928): View more from Arizona

  She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.

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  (928): She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/gi6e
  Replies (26) Good night (8313) Bad night (1164)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?

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  (615): Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night? http://tfl.nu/hddi
  Replies (11) Good night (2032) Bad night (594)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.

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  (443): Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today. http://tfl.nu/rdca
  Replies (4) Good night (707) Bad night (972)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?

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  (850): Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony? http://tfl.nu/sjtx
  Replies (10) Good night (603) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you

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  (304): He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you http://tfl.nu/r4en
  Replies (2) Good night (490) Bad night (1121)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.

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  (215): Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C. http://tfl.nu/gqta
  Replies (2) Good night (718) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.

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  (204): NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees. http://tfl.nu/cysh
  Replies (1) Good night (612) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (661): View more from California

  If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.

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  (661): If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you. http://tfl.nu/1zgh
  Replies (4) Good night (668) Bad night (391)

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