i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
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he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
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In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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