Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.