Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened