I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
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I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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