you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work