the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
