I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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