I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
