how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
