Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
