based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
