She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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