I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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