Kiss
Puke
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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