he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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