I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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