I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
