In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
