Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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