Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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