Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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