sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
