I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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