now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
